speechless

I haven't been around for a while, mostly because I can't stomach thinking about most of this any more.

But I have finished a draft of my thesis and all my papers, and scheduled my defense for Monday.

Finally, two days ago Dr. AH asks to see my thesis....noting that he better, because my committee will expect he went through it. Anyways, I got comments back today. Nothing major (which is great!). Just small and unhelpful grammar stuff mostly. Not worth the ink used to print out all 100 pages (which he insisted I do...only to email me a list of 20 items he requested I address).

But one thing he did say really made me sad. Just triggered me mostly, but I'm over it. Just thought I would toss it out to the bloggers...

CFS,
For your talk on Monday, who do you want to introduce you?
Good luck. Dr. AH

This just brings up all my emotions regarding this defense. This is a day I AM NOT looking forward to. This is not a day I am proud of, nor do I think being forced OUT is necessarily something I wish to share with the PUBLIC.

So having to endure an "introduction" will just be too fucking much! I have requested that I not be introduced and I just start my seminar. I made this request from my dept. head. I haven't heard yet.

I just need to get through Monday....PLEASE DON'T GET EMOTIONAL CFS!!!! Just give you seminar and walk away....head up!